How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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