my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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