I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
