last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
