When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
