the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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