He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
