jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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