Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
