we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
