I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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