More tranny stories later!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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