OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
