Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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