You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
