I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
