just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
