in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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