Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
