Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
