you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
