ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
