But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
