sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
