my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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