it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
