mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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