Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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