can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
