he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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