Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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