brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
