Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
