I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
