So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
