and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
