Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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