Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
