I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think my moral compass just broke
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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