Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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