I just threw up on my dentist
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
