mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
