she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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