What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
