Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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