And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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