Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
