It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
