it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
