dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
